Up until a few days ago I didn't have much in the way of energy. The result of late nights, early mornings and refusing to take my thyroxine. I've come to realise that perhaps the doctors were right, that taking it does make a difference because these past few days I have been bouncing about with more energy than I have had in the last two years. With nothing better to do with it I have decided I shall go clean out the loft.

Ever since mum fell out the loft 4 years ago, seriously damaging her arm, I have avoided going up there. She had gone up to pull down the Christmas decorations (which have been kept in the cubby hole since) and ended up laying across the hall floor with her head in the bathroom, legs in nanas room and her elbow sitting awkwardly in her shoulder socket! Two broken bones, a dislocation and severe bruising to her arm, hips and back was enough to terrify me into not going up there. As well as this all of my Papa Jack's belongings are stored and have been since he died.

I found lots of interesting things up there and spent a wonderful two hours shrouded in nostalgia. Photographs of Papa Jack and my Nana Currie whom I never met. She was a beautiful young woman, a tiny little thing with a smile similar to one you would have seen in an old 50's movie, a mass of jet black curly hair and massive eyes that appeared to gleam even though the photograph was in black and white. Standing behind her was my Papa Jack, looking like the cat that got the cream in a rather smart looking trouser suit, hair combed over and a goofy smile, gap between the teeth and not at all like Nana Currie's award winning smile, but beautiful and charming all the same. I found old football magazines, annuals and ticket stubs of Papa's and it appears he never missed a game.

Over in the far corner, where the floor beams almost end was a bundle of Gillian's possessions. I came across an old diary of hers, that had a message inside the front cover that was clearly meant for me; "Gillian's diary keep out or prepare to die slowly and painfully" except painfully was spelled painfaily, wasn't she a charming child! Her old silver cross pram that mum and dad bought her for her 3rd Christmas for her dollies was still up there, covered in dust but otherwise in perfect shape.

There weren't many things belonging to me up there, but I expected that because I didn't live with mum and sister after the break up. Have always been and always will be a daddy's girl. I did however, locate my first pair of block shoes. I was so proud when I got them. At 8 years old I was the youngest by 5 years in the grade 5 class. I wasn't gifted or anything I was just a flexible little sod, still am actually and that's the result of years of trampolining and gymnastics along with my pilates and yoga these days! I gave up after grade 5 though, but I used to drive my dad mental with my dancing. I made him put down proper hard wood flooring in my bed room, not like this namby pamby snip and click milarkie you have these days, and I would practice every night. You'd just hear a gentle clomp or ninety every minute and that would go on for about an hour. I'm sure he used to be thankful when I was at class, it was probably the only time I wasn't practicing at home. I remember falling off the bed one time because I was practicing. Dad used to put me to bed at 8pm on the button, but one night I wasn't quite done practicing. I decided that my matress was as good a hard surface as any. I went right over on my ankle fell off the bed and ended up in plaster for 6weeks!

The loft isn't completely cleaned out yet, it will probably take me another couple of trips up there but I'm looking forward to it. On my way down I saw my old bag of school work beside the water cooler and there is a suitcase full of photos.

I often feel quite disappointed that I never met my Nana Currie, but in a strange way I feel I know her through knowing Papa Jack so well and knowing my dad inside out. Also I found some of her old books and I'm going to start reading them this week too, it will be nice to see what interested the Nana I never knew. One thing is for sure, she really was the more attractive non-celeb person I have ever met! I'm glad I have her eyes, and I must have taken my height from her too!