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Another night wasted! It’s somewhere around 7.45am and instead of just getting up out of bed all refreshed and ready to face the day, I’m still wide-a-bloody-wake after not sleeping one wink last night. I didn’t even attempt go to bed, I knew I’d only be kidding myself if I did.

Instead, I stayed up watching “how it’s made”, read some of my book (one far too girlie to mention :$ ), over thought a whole load of things until I felt proper shit and definitely ruined all hopes of drifting off.

Mum was on a night shift last night, she’s due in soon. It would be rude to go to bed now, I usually do her breakfast when she’s been on nights.

It all started with a letter from Mark’s mum. She sent the mail up well Mark’s mail and a little letter having a right good swipe at me just for good measure! I know I shouldn’t let it bother me, I should laugh it off, but I can’t. Mark saying “Get over it” doesn’t really help because I don’t understand how he sees it. I know it’s his mum and it must be hard and I don’t like talking too much to him about it, but really... it hurts! Gillian had a pop at Mark once, she was told in no uncertain terms not to speak ill of him, at least in my presence. Yet every time Karen phones I’m this, that or the other, and Mark’s response is . . . “ok”. Bearing in mind I’m usually sat in the same room as Mark and can hear every vile word being said. I stole him you know, yup little old me, height of nonsense and weaker than weak managed to snap Mark up in my arms and drag him kicking and screaming all the way up to Scotland via Driffield! I’m keeping him hostage under my stairs now... one of you should phone crimestoppers!

It did get better for a couple of hours though. We went to dad’s for dinner! I love spending time at dads. I feel like I belong there. He’s the one person in this world who I can genuinely be me around. He doesn’t laugh (too much) when I make a tit of myself mixing up words or tripping over thin air, he accepts that sometimes I’m just quiet and that it doesn’t mean there’s something wrong (don’t you just hate that “what’s wrong?” ... “nothing”... “no really what’s wrong”........ NOTHING how many freakin times!) he seems to be the only person in the entire universe that takes the time to listen to me properly, to understand what I am thinking or feeling and not fob me off with pishy clichéd “there there’s” or “get over it”. Took Mark back over to the work for a shot of the car after that, well I left him to it and sat in the bothy with dad and a good few cups of tea. We laughed about stupid stuff I got up to when I was younger, then had a couple of games of cards while waiting on Mark finishing. Going back up on Saturday, before this party for Ron and Michelle! Well I intend to get blitzed out my face, I’m sure Gillian will help me there.

It’s raining here now, went out a walk in it around 5am. Nowhere fancy just to get the paper for nana seen as her wee paperboy is on holiday at the moment. Alright for some! We have a weather warning today. My little street is flooded in the middle! Which kind of sucks ass, ‘cause it’s slap bang in the middle of the road and you have no choice but to wade through it. Hence my walking to the garage, my car doesn’t like getting wet, it squeals like a banshee! I got wet feet, wee prune toes by the time I got back.

Mark’s still snoring! It’s still raining and I’m still miserable! I hope to sleep the day away. Thing have been crazy lately, and to be frank I’m not coping! Not coping physically, not coping mentally and not coping emotionally. Makes you wonder what the freaking point is!